I have Asperger's. It is part of the Autism Spectrum and is shortened to ASD/C (Autism spectrum disorder/condition). I have written about this before in this post, but I want to talk about it again because what is happening is not okay.
I should not have to fight for reasonable adjustments which are required by law. I should not have to fight for you to believe that I have a disability - just because you 'know' about autism in boys (and P.S you still don't) that doesn't mean you know anything about presentation in girls.
Day in, day out, I struggle with tasks that everyone else finds simple - this does not mean that I am less than you, or that I am not as capable in other fields. It just means that to create a level playing field I need slight adjustments. This does not make me weak or lazy or any other negative adjective.
The number of times I have been asked to "just try, can't you just try?" when it comes to something I either simply can't do or really really struggle with because of my ASD is astounding and it shows a distinct lack of understanding and a mind of pure ignorance. Just because you can't see my disability and how it affects me like you would with a physically disabled person does not mean that it isn't there. Asking me to "just try" is the equivalent of asking a blind person to "just see".
The problem is that because I hide my struggles so well people don't believe I have a disability. Even though they know on paper. They don't actually believe it. They just think, 'Oh she's just being lazy', or 'Oh, she's just too sensitive'.
No. I am not too sensitive. I am not being lazy. I am not pretending. I have a disability and I am not sorry. I am not sorry. I am not sorry.
As difficult as it is sometimes, I love myself. I know that that's difficult for some people to understand - why would I love a disability right? Because I am so much more than my disability but my disability is also so much more than anyone else sees. I have incredible focus, I can finish things to perfection. I have above average intelligence that has meant that despite missing years of school, missing lessons, having depression, anxiety, and multiple other family problems, I have managed to maintain A's and A*'s for the majority of my GCSE's and my AS Levels with hard work.
I think it's difficult for people to understand what I mean by saying that I need help to make things equal, but also would change my disability, because it's part of me, because a lot of people see this as a contradiction.
Think of it as a bit of an old teapot. There are a few cracks that mean the tea gets colder quicker and you have to drink it twice as fast, it takes more effort to make because you have to boil the water then add the tea bag and so on, but for some reason, it makes the best goddamn tea you've ever had. Maybe the reason why is because it was a present from your mum and dad and that's why you kept it even though everyone else sees's it as more hassle that it's worth. But you don't. You see it for what it's worth, yeah it's a bit of a faff sometimes but it's worth it in the end and putting a little more effort in doesn't make the tea any less amazing.
That is what my disability is. If I didn't have my disability, I wouldn't have met my best friend, I wouldn't have my songwriting ability, I wouldn't have moved and lived in one of the most beautiful places in England. I would be the strong, resilient person I am today if I didn't have my disability.
