17 Things I Learned Before I Turned 17
02:49
Today I turn 17. I am now a dancing queen. I've had 17 years on this earth and I feel like I have a few things to say, even if only I hear them.
1. Even if this don't get better, YOU will
So, having been bullied for the majority of my time at school, I was constantly being told that everything will be okay and that everything will get better. This always used to piss me off. Like BIG time - there is nothing worse than someone saying 'You'll be okay' when you're sitting there in tears, just wanting someone to say to you, 'Yeah, this bloody sucks, and I'm sorry it's happening'. As much as I hate that phrase, it is kinda true. It isn't necessarily helpful in the moment, but it will be in the long run. The situation will change, or you will change; either way it won't stay the same forever.
2. Laws are laws for a reason
Some laws are just there because if everyone broke them we'd be in trouble, but if you break them once or twice it's okay. However, there are some rules that should be followed, because despite thinking that you are intelligent, and know everything and know that you won't regret this, there are other people that have the same thing and 'know better'. I sucks but it's true. Take for example my tattoos; I did them on myself when I was fourteen, in my bedroom with no gloves, and I used a sewing needle taped to a pencil with some string on it. I used a pair of socks (Clean, mind you) to wipe the ink as I was going for godsake! I now have a dodgy heart on my hip, a 'C' on my toe and the deathly hallows symbol on my foot. Now, I don't regret them per say, but it's suddenly dawned on me that whenever I wear strappy heels, or such, everyone can see it. Do I mind that? I'm not sure, but I do wish I'd waited till I could get them done at an actual studio, not just on my bedroom floor.
3. Friends of convenience/proximity are inevitable
And there's nothing wrong with them! Every time you move school or college or job or whatever, you are going to meet people who you kinda get along with, but don't feel really 'connected' with. That's fine! Not everyone you meet is going to be your platonic soul-mate. Enjoy the time you have with them and then let go and move on when that time is over. Don't get bogged down by people that really are not that significant in the grand scheme of things.
4. Tidy your room, do your laundry, don't work in bed
These three things will make being productive so, so, so much easier. If you have a messy room, you'll feel overwhelmed and like things are closing in - not good - same with the clothes. Not only does working in bed mess up your 'sleep hygiene' (Yes, it is a real thing)
5. Forget, but don't necessarily forgive
Contrary to what everyone says,you don't have to forgive people that have done you wrong, if you don't really want to.A lot of people say that forgiving is for you not the other person, and while this works for some, I always felt guilty for not forgive a few certain people in my life, but I have now come to realise that I don't have to forgive them to get peace of mind. I will eventually forget them, their names, their faces, their bad attitudes, but I don't think I will ever forgive them, because some people just don't deserve it - and I am not going to be any worse of not forgiving them.6. You shouldn't have guilty pleasures
I'm not saying don't enjoy things you enjoy, I'm say enjoy them to the fullest extent. If you are a massive swifty, sing it loud and proud, if you love watching KUWTK don't pretend you don't, literally nobody cares and those that do need to wonder why they really care that much.
7. Everyone is a swan
Yep, everyone is. There have been several times when I have thought, 'omg, everyone else is coping and I'm not, why am I not? I'm a failure' blah, blah, blah. Literally everyone else feels exactly the same. People are always surprised when I tell them that I have depression and anxiety, because I always look so calm and collected, when in reality I'm freaking out inside. This is where the swan thing comes in - you look fine and cool on the surface, and then underneath the water you're paddling as fast as you can to try and stay afloat. Be comforted that everyone else is struggling too.8. That said, get help when you need help
The amount of times where I know people that refuse to ask for help because they don't want to be a nuisance is crazy. I think it's partly do to the fact that there is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health so when someone feels like they need help they don't want to ask for fear of being looked down upon. Or, like me, they have previously been in the system and when they finally get out they never want to go back. For months I refused counselling because I didn't want to accept that I wasn't 100% okay again. I wish I could go back in time and knock some sense into myself, because jeez Louise, counselling helps so so much.9. Learning is important, education is not
Now obviously I'm not saying don't try at school, but don't think that it is the be all and end all. As long as you get good enough grades, you will probably manage to survive. What I mean by this point is that often, education (e.g the school system) is not there to make you the best person or the most intelligent person you can be, it's there to get you through the system. The school system is made for people without mental illness, disability, or basically any other difference. I normally think of it as a conveyor belt, you get on in year one and get of after Uni - but the majority of us will fall to the factory floor at least once and that is okay. Don't let the pressure of passing exams get in the way of learning about stuff that actually interests you.
10. It is important to understand your privilege
Now, it took me a long time to fully accept the idea of 'privilege', of any kind really. I thought, 'Well life's been a bit shit so far, I've been bullied, gone through family troubles and tried to overdose, I don't really feel like I have privilege to be honest'. I think a lot of people with different kind of privileges feel like this, like 'hey, I've had a hard time too!', but what I've come to realise is that doesn't matter. Yes, a lot of stuff's gone wrong for me, but undoubtedly I have privilege. My skin colour, my ethnicity, the place I was born and the fact that I am able bodied. Yes I am a women, and I have a disability, but in other ways I am privileged. Admitting that I have privilege does not make my struggles any less of a struggle, but it does show that in certain situations I will have the upper hand. For example, I'm much more likely to be able to get into the acting or modeling profession than someone who is physically disabled or not white. That doesn't mean that I won't have worked for what I have, it just means that someone else may have had to work harder to get to the exact same place.11. Loving someone doesn't mean you like them
This one took me a looong time to figure out. A really long time. What I mean by this is that you can love someone unconditionally and would do anything for them, but that doesn't mean you like them. I think this comes into play mostly with family members, say when a child becomes a carer or something along those lines where they resent the family member and dislike them, but still truly deeply love them. It's difficult to explain but one that has helped me.
12. Always do the thing
If you're feeling guilty about not doing it - just do it. Otherwise you'll regret it.13. Looks are by no means everything, but they are something
Take this one with a pinch of salt, because some people will disagree with this. How you look is your first impression on the world - yes people should look further and deeper, but if they don't all you have is your appearance. Make sure it's something you can be proud of eventually.14. You do not have to decide your future and life at 16 (even though it feels like it)
Still trying to believe this myself to be quite honest, but that's the English education system. They expect you to act like an adult while treating you like a child.
15. If you do you, eventually people will respect you
I was always, and I mean always, one of the nerdy/not popular/bullied people and I always tried to be cool and fit in and all of that stuff. It never really worked. However, now I'm in sixth form (the last two years of high school for those Americans out there) I've realised that people respect you for being yourself and no one really cares about cliques that much. Obviously this is dependant on where you live, but for the majority of people I know, this is the case for them as well.16. Kill em with kindness
I don't mean this in the way that parents and teachers say it when people get teased, I mean that honestly there is nothing better than being happier than the person that hurt you. That may sound vindictive, but it's the truth. I used to have a very complicated relationship with a few friends and one turned out to not be very nice, but eventually the joke was on her because instead of retaliating in the same manner she acted I stayed being nice and eventually that won out. It always does.17. Sleep is good
Always sleep if you can.
0 comments