I don't have guilty pleasures

13:30

The importance of self love being non dependant

13:30

Self-love is a very difficult thing to do. It's even more difficult when it's not based on anyone else. This may sound like a contradiction - but here me out. I'm going to explain this with a little anecdote, so bare with.

Roughly 3 1/2 years ago I went through a period in my life where I completely reinvented myself. I had previously been in a bad situation and had no self confidence. I was a shell of the person I used to be, so I changed my name, my hair and moved across the country (now this England so it was still only about 6 hours away). It may sound extreme, but it worked.

I found two people in my new town who helped me rebuild myself. We went through ups and downs - as anyone does - but we were solid. I thought I had finally set myself on the road of true self-love. Wrong.

After roughly 2 1/2 years of being friends and about 1 year of being best friends, we grew apart. Suddenly everything climaxed and I was left shattered. I felt betrayed, upset, angry (at myself and at her), but mostly I felt like a shell again (I'd just like to say here that the end of the friendship was mutual and there are no hard feelings, she is a wonderful person, we just didn't see eye to eye anymore). I realised that when I began rebuilding myself, I rebuilt myself on her. All the self-love I felt was conditional on her friendship - her liking me validated me in my mind, and when that was gone, I didn't know what to do.

Now, about 7 months on, it has shown me that I need to love myself based on the fact that I am me. It can't be because someone else has validated me, because people change and you can't base something as concrete and permanent as self-love on something as unpredictable as other people's opinion of you.

Yes, if someone has a valid problem with you and you have done something 'wrong', try and put it right, but when someone has a problem with a trait or characteristic that is you, don't automatically think you are wrong, or a bad person. Unless a relationship is abusive, it absolutely takes two people to build a one way road and you can't take full responsibility for something going wrong if it really is just two people not seeing eye to eye.

My point is, learn to love yourself because of you, not because other people think you are nice or funny or cool. Eventually you will find your place in life. That may be a week from now, a month, a year, or ten. But it will happen. And no ones opinion of you changes who you really are. You are wonderful in at least one way no one else is, don't let anyone make you think differently.

music

Powerful Women I Look Up To: ZENDAYA

13:00

topical

'Don't do something stupid' - My Thoughts on Suicide

13:23

Yesterday I watched the final episode of House M.D. after re-watching the entire program - all eight series. I'm guessing anyone that would be bothered about spoilers has already watched the last episode so I won't put a warning. Anyway, in the last episode when House has disappeared for a few days Wilson and Foreman get worried about him doing 'something stupid'.

While I understand the sentiment and reason why that phrase is used, I mean no one wants to say, 'I hope they haven't topped/killed/offed themselves', I still feel uneasy about the wording. It implies that suicide is stupid, because obviously, right? Why would someone want to end something? Of course everyone's life can get better and every situation will one day get better, right? (If you didn't detect that, heavy sarcasm)

As someone who is a sos I am very conflicted over the subject. I am very grateful that I am still here and that I got the help I needed and that my situation got better, but i'm also very aware that not everyone has the means or privilege for that to happen. The only reason I got onto my path of recovery was because my family physically took me out of that situation. We sold our house, split the family for a year and moved away. Not everyone has the money, resources or the support to do that, and even if they did it would not be guaranteed that things would get better. There was always a chance that the same thing that happened in my last town would happen again in the new one. I also know the feelings some might experience before suicide and how - I can't even think of a word to describe the feelings, I guess isolating, terrifying, calm, chaos, hurt, agony and eventually pointlessness - the person feels. I feel strongly that this should not just be dismissed, because I feel that it often is.

People talk about how selfish suicide is, how wrong it is to do 'that' to your loved ones. This gets me so, so angry. The thing that is selfish is making someone stay in a situation that is leaving them feeling like nothing, or hell depending on your beliefs (I'll come on to that in a minute), is better than being alive. Forcing something like the guilt of hurting someone you love, on top of whatever is causing that person to feel suicidal in the first place, is disgusting and just plain wrong in my view. I know many people disagree and they are entitled to that opinion, however I do believe that those who have never experience suicide or attempted suicide themselves, firsthand, really have no place to place the blame.

This post is really all over the place, so I apologise, but I just needed to get my thoughts out. What's your view on suicide?

music

Music Monday #2

10:39

Today's Music Monday has a bit of a laid back feel. Hazy vocals, relaxed blues and folk guitars, and easy melodies pack these five songs.

WEIGHT IN GOLD - Gallant

Alternative R'n'B artist Gallant's debut album 'Ology' really delivered, it's debut single 'Weight In Gold' is an incredible track. It has cross over appeal and I can really see this song becoming big, both on the R'n'B charts and the Pop charts. Wonderful voice with personal and emotive lyrics. One to watch most definitely.

UPBEAT FEELGOOD - Foy Vance

This song by Northern Irish musician Foy Vance does exactly what it says on the tin. The folk vibes and happy band feel of the song brings an immediate feeling of happiness, summer an relaxation. Must have song for road trips and summer BBQ's.

GLOW - Lontalius

New wave 'Sad Boy Pop' is being championed by Lontalius. This synth-pop indie break-up song if for the time when you finally get over the feelings of betrayal, or anger, or pain and realise that the relationship you once had is better than having nothing. As Tennyson said, 'It is better to loved and lost, than to never have loved at all' - interestingly the poem this come from took 17 years for Tennyson to write, and Lontalius' debut album is called 'I'll forget 17'.

STANLEY PARK - Aoife O'Donovan

This incredibly moving song is a perfect slow-tempo, cry-your-eyes-out tune. Great for anyone who's left home for the first time, in a new job or feeling homesick. A wonderful song.

DISTRACTION - Raye

Maybe not the best distraction from that ex that you always wonder what could have been, but still and fab song. Emerging talent Raye from, you guessed it, South London, is one to watch for 2016.

Which track was your favourite this #MusicMonday? Mine is 'Weight In Gold', it's been on repeat for the last few days and I constantly find myself humming the chorus without even realising. Leave your favourite in the comments, or tweet me @ADRAandthe!